How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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