its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am naked and annoyed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
