tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
