Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
