i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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