I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
