So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
