I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this just has baby written all over it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
