Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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