Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
