He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
