if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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