1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
