i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
