3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
