I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
