by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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