I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
