I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
