oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
