Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize