she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
