By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
