It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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