he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
