Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
