i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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