Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Randomize
