If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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