would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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