Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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