Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
