So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
