I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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