This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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