hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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