just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize