Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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