Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
