New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
