Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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