I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
