I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
