I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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