that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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