people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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