I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
