she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize