Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
