i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sarcasm needs its own font
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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