ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
