...so i touched it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
