I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We are two peas in an std pod
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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