He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
