Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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