I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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