Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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