He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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