She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
did i walk over a car last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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