that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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