I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
