I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
