I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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