Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
