Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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