You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
