I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
