It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
