whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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